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About Me Member Deviously Deviant ExwhorecistMale/Canada Recent Activity Deviant for 5 Years
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Ex's Guide to the Orgasm

Tue Jul 21, 2009, 11:25 PM
  • Mood: Suffering
  • Listening to: my goiter wax poetically on the good ole days
  • Reading: my last will and testament
  • Watching: clown mime porn, what else...
  • Playing: the part of a hooker with a heart of gold...
  • Eating: my words
  • Drinking: myself to death
Smorgasm(s)" - 1) pertaining of or relating to the initial utopic smorgiastic boinkial 'lovey-dovey-can't-keep-your-snouts-off-each-other' period otherwise known as the 'bedroom ceiling destruction' phase of a primarily fleshian nature, notably characterized by the following 1) Permanus Curlus Toesus Syndrome 2) Permanus Maximus Grinus Affliction 3) eviction notices from four - and counting - landlords 4) six destroyed beds, three broken coffee tables, one severely dented carhood, and 5) an involuntary funny-walk

Goregasm - so incredibly hot and intense that it actually contributes significantly to Global Warming

Moregasm - something which, although we all aspire to (and plead with Santa to bring us every Christmas - ho ho ho, indeed?), only the female of the species can achieve (but, yes, because males are selfish sexually-uneducated egocentric @#%@#$ bastids, rarely do)

Choregasm (aka Boregasm) - enacted ('acted' being the key word) once a week on Friday or Saturday for approximately 7.9 minutes between reruns of Trading Spaces/Grey's Anatomy
by couples who have been married/together for ten or more years.

Soregasm - the inevitable result of the 'smorgasm(s)' stage - aptly described in the John Mellancamp song: "Hurts So Good"

Sworegasm - fueled by intense passion and lost in the moment your boyfriend/girlfriend suddenly becomes a drunken-sailor-on-shore-leave-with-Turret's-syndrome (better avoid any neighbourhood block parties for the next few years, ye dirty talking kinko, ye)

Storegasm - applicable to couples who are not yet banned from La Senza and/or Mistress Olga's Kinky Toy Emporium change-rooms, McDonald's Toy-Ball Pit, and any restaurant bathroom with giant mirrors

Nogasm - finally accepting that, after 28 beers consumed earlier in the evening, your girlfriend having fallen asleep an hour and a half ago, your persistent but futile efforts are not going to errr come to fruition, oh studian one.

Poorgasm - primarily associated with lonely singles with the necessary modicum of affection towards their right/left hand and/or third-party 'accessories'

Roargasm - Tony the Tiger says, "They'rrrrrrre Grrrrrrrreat!" - your girlfriend/boyfriend readily concur.

Fourgasm - females experiencing this phenomenon during any one 'snuggleage' should realize one fundamental concept which need only be expressed using one word: KEEPER as in MR. (and if you play your cards right the MRS. part is yours for the taking), and proceed with roping 'em into marriage forthwith using any and all available means.

Snoregasm - usually in conjunction with the Smorgasm lovey-dovey stage except further taken to gropings and hedonistic fondlings etc during your partner's slumber (so that's why he asked you to wear a schoolgirl outfit to bed)

Tourgasm - trying to realize your salacious over-stimulations and kinky fantasies in exotic vacation places like The Vatican Gift Shop, The OverHead Compartment on American Airlines, Centre Ice during intermission at a Blackhawks/Rangers game, in a Central Park Yogenfruz Stand etc...

Michael Mooregasm - a visual aid to assist the over-eager male in trying to best his usual 40 second 'record'.

Slogasm - the domain of septuagenarians and octogenarians who've used up their allotted Viagra supply for the month

Feel free to add your own...

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Devious Info

  • Current Residence: Hell ( take the first exit off I-5 and ask for the "Heathen")
  • Interests: Visceral ( and not so visceral ) pursuits
  • Favourite movie: Spinal Tap, Jacob's Ladder, Sin City, Salvador, American Beauty, Amadeus, Lolita,
  • Favourite band or musician: Floyd, Police, XTC, Coldplay, Sting, Gabriel, Beatles, 5-4-Fighting, Marillion
  • Favourite genre of music: GOOD and well written/played.
  • Favourite artist: Monet, Renoir, Van Gogh, Da Vinci, Caravaggio, David Cross
  • Favourite poet or writer: Miller, Dostoevsky, Fitzgerald, Camus, Hugo, Slade,
  • Favourite photographer: My seeing/typing canine
  • Favourite style of art: hemp lingerie/heathenesquian
  • Operating System: Cranial Synapses
  • MP3 player of choice: Winamp
  • Shell of choice: The one that looks like the giant nipple
  • Wallpaper of choice: Scratch and Sniff Porno theme
  • Skin of choice: Female
  • Favourite game: Spot the Looney/Fondle the buttocks
  • Favourite gaming platform: Nude Twister Board 10,000
  • Favourite cartoon character: Homer Simpson/Cartman
  • Personal Quote: Do me like it's 1929....
  • Tools of the Trade: 3.2 brain cells on maximum power.
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Comments


:iconchiarallit:
thank you most sincerely and kindly!!!

--
...ecco, io faccio nuove tutte le cose
...look, i am making all things new
:iconopheliafairie:
Thank you very much for the :+fav:

--
-Natalie Melissa
AKA "Ophelia Fairie"
Flagged as Spam
:iconsupafemme:
oh EXIE ! .... i :heart: you !!!!!!! i miss you .... you better be writing mutha-F-er ! u should be taking advantage of the writers strike & sending your BRILLIANCE OUT !!!!! to ppl ... :dance: "Everybody , let's get down&BABALAK " ... comes in NEW GRAPE FLAVOUR too " .... :glomp:

--
:sumo:
~~~~~~~~~~
am i good enough or am i way too bad ?....am i sad enough to give you what you need ..... ?

ROMANTIC LOVE is a drive :blahblah: ... & i :love: the word BALLzzzzz:O_o:
:iconexwhorecist:
Oh yas, I'se be writin' allright - my @#$@# eulogy lol. Thanks for your kind words nonetheless, Femeeta, y'all da best. Happy and Bestest Visceral Organ Day to thee! Babalak!

:heart: :glomp: :hug: :bullion-cube:
:iconsupafemme:
awwww , EXIE ... you're the BEST ! :heart:loveYaz:heart: more than bullioncubez ..... :glomp::smooch:

--
:sumo:
~~~~~~~~~~
am i good enough or am i way too bad ?....am i sad enough to give you what you need ..... ?

ROMANTIC LOVE is a drive :blahblah: ... & i :love: the word BALLzzzzz:O_o:
:icondostoyevsky627:
heh_heh_heh feck face.... Haven't heard that one in a while.


Sup dawg!!!!!

did I read somewhere you said orgie?!?!?!

--
"WHen the world is mine your death shall be quick and painless" Stewie

:lmao:

"We live in a DELUSION!" me
:iconsupafemme:
:moon: ...........

--
:sumo:
~~~~~~~~~~
am i good enough or am i way too bad ?....am i sad enough to give you what you need ..... ?

ROMANTIC LOVE is a drive :blahblah: ... & i :love: the word BALLzzzzz:O_o:

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